I have never learned how to make myself understood or what should I manifest in some of my interactions. How much it should be given, and how much should I expect to be returned?
Most of the time, I would just tangle between my personalities, being uncertain if I should have any boundaries if I should talk, or just be silent.
I have crowned myself many times with my ego and decided that I can cut the flesh of someone with my sharp tongue then watch them bleed, then plaster them, rushing the recovery while being inconsiderate and impatient.
I would break things and after, I would try to glue them expecting to get the same perfect piece as it previously was.
I pedaledso quickly between emotions then tried to excuse myself for my almost insane behavior.
Other times, I would kneel in front of misfortune, begging and crawling as if never again I would be given a chance to see the sunlight. I would feel restless and drained but walking, trying to recover what was already lost.
I was just too much from everything, very few times managing the right proportions. Almost never balanced. Always too intense or conpletly indiferent.
I couldn’t explain to people that I perceive the world differently, I am in a restless state of mind because my senses would catch glimpses of unknown worlds, spiritual, and metaphysical and this will make me unearthly and at times, difficult to be around me.
I couldn’t tell if I am bipolar, anxious, or highly clairvoyant and emphatic.
I cried under my sunglasses when I crashed into someone’s inability to see through my words, my behavior, and my reckless run.
I yelled and threw objects, and words as if they will never reach the other person, thinking that they should be crashing first into the big wall that I built between us.
I am guilty of burning hopes of people, starting with my own.
But you know what?
I am climbing my mountain, using my old boots, poorly equipped, starved, and losing track of time and direction.
I make mistakes but I am climbing my mountain. And I carry my own water.
On my way up, I see people rising around me from nowhere, while losing others who failed to understand why I’m choosing one path or another so they decide to stick to their own.
Despite all the scratches and bruises that I suffered on my way up, I still hold beauty, I am still going.
“A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
THE WONDERMIND 