When being good is as bad as being bad

My night is in complete inner silence.
Far away from clutter.
Under the gentle voice of compassion. For myself first.
I watched recently Good Will Hunting. I have seen it years ago but at that time I didn’t seem to understand the unspoken script, the words that would meet in a Universe of glimpses, and the story that can be perceived from so many perspectives.
“It’s not your fault” are a few intense words that dragged me into my corner of guilt and made me confront my inability to forgive errors that I have committed or others have committed, long before I was born or long before I have met them.
I carried on my chest mountains of pain and felt useless and small in front of a world that seemed to crush my every intention to heal wounds and comfort souls.
I struggled many times trying to walk other people’s journey of suffering, thinking I am mightier and I would save them from a frenetic drive. I spent countless hours, effort, and nerves trying to help those who didn’t want to help themselves.
It took me years of my youth to realize that no one can save no one and no one is at fault for another’s pain. Suffering is an intimate process, a road that can take the wanderer from lust to wisdom, from cowardice to a brave spirit; suffering is a self-journey.
We are, sometimes, given the honor to alleviate pain but nothing more. Each is responsible for the way they carry their life, make their choices, and walk their walk.

It’s not my fault when people want to build their castles using clay instead of stone.
It’s not my fault when they refuse to pull themselves from their misery.
It’s not my fault when things that grow the spirit are dull for them.
It’s not my fault when they see fall as a cranky, lone wolf while I feel it as a colorful, ripe, vibrant goddess.

It’s not my fault when others ruined it for themselves. It’s not my fault when others tried to ruin it for me. It will be my fault if I will do nothing about the second.

Shout out to everyone transcending a mindset, mentality, desire, belief, emotion, habit, behavior, or vibration, that no longer serves them!
Lalah Dalia

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