My first entry in a diary dates back to February 11th, 1999, when I was just a few months shy of turning 9. I vividly recall watching a cartoon where the main character began writing in a journal, starting each entry with “Dear Diary.” Inspired, I embarked on a journey of writing thousands of pages, delving into the depths of my mind, and documenting both mundane and life-changing experiences.
Throughout my writings, I captured a wide array of memories, ranging from childhood moments spent loving my pets and enjoying all my school breaks in the countryside, to the nostalgic feeling of graduating elementary school, the excitement of starting high school and university, and the heartache of losing my grandparents. I also delved into the tumultuous relationship I had with my mother, expressing my frustration with her disapproval, strictness, and cold treatment during my most impressionable years.
I also wrote about my experiences as a young woman and the challenges I faced while crafting my identity to avoid becoming a victim of those in positions of power, all while ensuring I do not pose a threat to other women. I wrote about how hard it was to carve my path in life, shedding light on the sexism, biases, and challenges I faced in a male-dominated world.
While I explored profound concepts like pain, death, and the sense of not belonging from a young age, my writings predominantly overflowed with my adoration for nature and the consolation I found in solitude. I recount the numerous trails I ventured upon alone, the late nights mesmerized by the celestial spectacle of the Pleiades, tracing the trails left behind by passing airplanes. I was mostly just enjoying being quiet in a quiet world. When everyone else was sleeping it seemed the perfect time for me to be awake.
Reflecting upon the lines I have penned over decades, I can gain insight into the evolution of my perspectives on societal and psychological issues, and life itself. Observing the changes in my intellectual framework and style is one of the most remarkable aspects of documenting life events. I transitioned from a dramatic and confrontational approach to wounded and misunderstood, to flamboyant, then ventured into parody then zeal, until ultimately arriving at a non-judgmental, humble outlook on life.
Within the pages filled with these tightly packed letters I can barely read and countless words, what truly captivates me is the profound realization that regardless of the adversities life presents, the soul has immense resilience. It is in these moments that I discover the most beautiful aspect of human nature. Moreover, regardless of the limited confines of the world we are born into, and the many ways we are exploited by our environment, I am reminded that life itself can expand to limitless proportions based on our perceptions and aspirations. I somehow intuitively always knew that the world is a big place and that I will be able to move in it freely and unapologetically.
Even though I now find myself capable of answering many of the questions that have filled the pages of my writing over the years, there remains a lingering curiosity as to why I never began my letters with the customary “Dear Diary.” Instead, I always wrote as if my words and questions were directed toward someone like me as if they were meant to be read and answered someday by the same unknown, old friend.
THE WONDERMIND 